Cause I do have a blurry memory of the times when they would kiss each other goodbye or hello when leaving or arriving home. To discover the underlying persons they are underneath their parent label and their true willing, loving souls. But I’m so ready to let go of the inaccurate portrait I constructed of them. My parents didn’t let each other go, it may or may not have something to do with the fact that they are both good Catholic persons. “Sometimes it’s better to let someone go” “And loving is hard, it don’t always work” “My parents aren’t heroes, they’re just like me” In my teenage judgment, I had constructed a super inaccurate image of their marriage and I couldn’t be more wrong. I don’t want to let it happen but experiencing it made me realize that I’m late to forgive my parents. The wall, the distance between us could start growing any time. I’m learning no matter how great our intentions we may have, no matter how much I know he loves me and I love him. I need it every day and I want high leaps of love and I’m comfortable being sad when I need to be sad.Įntering a romantic relationship with my boyfriend has only shown me this with a clearer glass. I move with passion and it’s like a drug. But I should know by now that my DNA is far from being a straight line. I tried reasoning myself out of it through philosophies, books, or psychology sessions. I’ve tried everything, psychologist, reading books… to understand why I live the emotional rollercoaster I live in. Maybe because I’m too afraid of accepting it.
I feel that my whole younger adulthood I’ve been searching for stability in my emotions. And I know first hand now that my parents didn’t set themselves for stability, they set themselves for adventure and risk, and actually, I only see later, they set themselves for trust. Because daily life comes in between, and all the complications that can bring. The dreams they shared, the attraction they felt. In the end, children are the fruit of the marriage but little do we get to see the romance they had before us. But as a kid, I was definitely missing the details. Life, when I was born, came with my parents together and so I couldn’t really even think of the idea of separation. We wouldn’t be the only family that that happened, that’s for sure.Īs a kid, I didn’t doubt their marriage - that is too much to elaborate for a younger mind - but I knew they didn’t look happy. I think me and my brothers might have been the thing that unified them for some time. School and the rest are still a bit like exploring the surroundings. As a kid I always was more attentive to those things, cause my whole world was my parents basically. Because the family outings, the family games, and the tranquil Sunday afternoons were erasing that quickly.īut their distancing was growing between them. But the thought would fade away as quickly as it came to mind. “I tried not to listen to every little fightįor some time I even thought that they didn’t love each other, I thought that we were a divided house.
I’ve felt the rage inside me and felt the veins being pumped up. The heat was inevitable, and also the loud voices. When someone would argue I would take sides.
Meaning that conversations could get heated up. It was hard to find what I wanted to portray but hopefully is as fair as it can get. This song was the sign when I realized that I’m turning into another kind of adult. I thought I gave it enough time to be able to swallow it without letting it create knots in my throat but I didn’t succeed. This song was too powerful that I have given it days to process. If you want to sip it in the same way here is the link to Spotify and this is of course a complete personal interpretation of the song. I wrote this piece listening to the song.